Two on a Guillotine

Not too long ago, I recorded the movie Two on a Guillotine because it sounded interesting. I probably should have known that it would get an airing again in October because of the horror-adjacent themes. But I didn't realize that it would be in the middle of a bunch of other movies I had recorded and which would just happen to show up in close succession. Anyhow, the next airing of Two on a Guillotineis tomorrow (October 13) at 3:00 PM, so I made it a point to watch the movie in order to be able to do a post on it.

The movie starts off wih a brief, pre-titles introductory scene of a prominent Los Angeles-based magician, Duke Duquesne (Cesar Romero), who uses his wife Melinda (Connie Stevens) in his act, while their daughter Cassie stays in the dressing room with nursemaid/general assistant Dolly (Virginia Gregg). Duke is planning a new illusion involving a guillotine and putting Melinda's head in it. But the trick goes wrong, and it's Melinda's head that really does get chopped off!

Fast forward through the credits and to a good 20 years later, and Duke finally dies. After Mom's death, Duke sent Cassie (played as an adult by Connie Stevens) east to live with an aunt and uncle, and she's finally returning for the funeral, never having seen Dad since the night Mom died. Dad, being a magician and a famous personage, comes up with some odd terms for his funeral, which involve him being put in a coffin with a glass viewing window, which he'll have locked with a prop lock and chain, having announced in the funeral arrangements that he was going to come back from the dead. The funeral is attended by a bunch of press, which really pisses Cassie off, since she'd like her privacy.

Seeing Cassie at the funeral and not revealing himself to be a journalist, but interested in the case, is another journalist, Val Henderson (Dean Jones). In talking with a more senior reporter, the elder guy tells Val this would be a great story to get for their newspaper. A good place to start would be at the reading of the will which is very much in the open: Duquesne, already having been revealed to be a bit odd, directed that the will be read at the Hollywood Bowl.

The will requires that Cassie spend a week at Duke's old house and, more importantly, overnight there -- she can go out during the day like a normal working girl. If she does so, she'll get the estate, valued at $300,000 in mid-1960s dollars which I have a feeling even after adjusted for inflation wouldn't pay for a house like the one in the movie. If she fails to follow the terms to the letter, Dolly and Duke's PR man Buzz (Parley Baer) will split the estate.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happens next. Duke, having been a magician, has wired the house to display all sorts of magic/horror effects to unsuspecting guests. Of cours, Cassie shouldn't be such an unsuspecting guess, so why should she scream when she sees a skeleton on a wire? And of course since Buzz and Dolly stand to gain if Cassie fails, you'd expect them to try to sabotage things. And indeed Val is bright enough to have that idea, especially once Dolly shows up at the mansion and thinks she's seen Duke alive, inside the house, that very evening.

The big problem with Two on a Guillotine is how the viewer is expected to think the characters are unable to figure out everything going on inside the mansion is the result of a magician's props and preparation and not because the house might be haunted. The movie is entertaining enough if you're willing to laugh at parts that aren't really supposed to be funny. But I think the producers really expected this to be seen as horror, and in that regard it doesn't work. So definitely give Two on a Guillotine a watch, just because it is fun. Just to expect to be scared by any of the putative jump scares.